She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
