I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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