When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
