She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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