I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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