and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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