U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
