We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
