why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
