he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
