M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
