dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
