just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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