Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
