So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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