We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize