My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
