I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
