I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
