So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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