Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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