'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
