I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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