I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
