Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize