dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
