I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
