I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
