this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had sex on a roof
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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