Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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