dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
