Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
