About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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