Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
