do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
