oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
