I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
