soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
