....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
