Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
