Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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