I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
