Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
