yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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