Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
