i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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