She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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