I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
