You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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