Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
