Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
