I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
