what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
