I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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