I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
