I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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