All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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