there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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