i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize