So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
