A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
