How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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