There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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