dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
