I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
