Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
