Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
