i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
