I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
