If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize