omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
