Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
