she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
