I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
