I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
