I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
