apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
