I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
