I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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