Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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