the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
