life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
