I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
