I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
